Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
