Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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