Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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