if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize