Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
