I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize