Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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