tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
