I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
