beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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