yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
