i wish my penis had a tongue
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
