A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i think my mom watched the whole time
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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