Kiss
Puke
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
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