And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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