remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
