Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
