By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
you had me at cake vodka
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
