went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
