I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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