i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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