it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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