Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
