I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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