At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
