I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
