They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
