I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I smell like Dick and happiness
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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