she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
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