I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize