Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
