He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
