Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
