You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
