help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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