What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
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