good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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