dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
