i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
