Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
It was confusing and full of hummus
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
