Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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