Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
