I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
