So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
