Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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