Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Randomize
