My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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