OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
