hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
