Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
