Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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