Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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