It's like God shit irony all over that family
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
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