She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
