btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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