i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
