4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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