CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
