so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
