Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Randomize