You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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