Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Randomize
