im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
