I skipped work to stalk him.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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