Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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