Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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