I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
